A High

Closed my eyes and looked up to the sky
Angels asked, “Did you ever fly?”
Nodding in affirmation, I said, “I usually get very high!
The cupids take me by hand, to a world that’s never wry.”

“I swing and lurch and reel and fall
Tacitly I follow the gravity’s call.
Then I jump higher still, to touch my stars (one ‘n all)
Insouciant whether to hop, walk or simply crawl!”

“I drive too fast, beyond vanity,
I get my kicks by losing sanity.
For the fear of losing too fast a juvenility,
I suck out an entire life, before the debility.”

“The heart and soul, my body and mind;
They beam in glory, glare in light;
As in the clouds up above, there is no fright,
My wings stretch out, all set to take the flight."

"I soar so high, that you don’t see me float,
Even when I appear as a speck, I have a reason to gloat.
With tiny little celestials, did the Gods decorate my abode,
Not many are allowed to visit; but you, on persistence, I shall let come aboard."


.

Other Side of the Fence!!

Standing on the road I saw the palatial mansion;
And O, I so wanted to enter the golden gates of that wonderful creation.

I stared in awe, at the glitter and glamour;
Jaw-dropping beauty, the euphony that contrasted my world of clitter and clamour.

And then came the cherub, to take me into the heavenly abode;
I told my clan, that in a clear blue sea I am about to float.

I walked in while asleep, till my insanity got cleansed;
Just to realize, it was a mirage I had seen while being on my side of the fence.

Alas! It happens with us all.
The envy and the hankering for whatever we have not got.

We blame and abandon, assuming we are always right.
But only when we tread the same road, do we experience the entire plight.

A longing is must, a reverie is must; but our horses we must behold
…As all that glitters may not necessarily be Gold.

Long-Distance

“World is a small place these days”, said a friend. Indeed it is. With advent of technology, and advancement in communication techniques, your loved ones are just a click away.

Really??

We may be able to see, talk and be fully updated about our kin, but can technology provide us the ‘touch-therapy’? I may be able to look into my lovers eyes through a Web-Cam, but can I peck him back for that look? I may be able to speak comforting word, but can I hold my friends hand when they are distressed? Can I hold my new-born niece?

Distance makes the hearts grow fonder. Tripe, I say. Well, almost! Distance makes you pine which may also leave you with a bad taste in mouth. A long-distance relationship, in my opinion, cannot survive unless tended to, painstakingly. The travail of making ‘the hearts grow fonder’ may as well sap you out completely.

Thus I pray…’May distance too, part us not. Amen.’

Daggered n Staggered

Tread on the path, where the lights have gone
I know not who I am, Is this a hallucination you have drawn?

I died years ago, only the spirits sail by
Did you just say we struck a chord? Oh! It’s all a lie.

My world, yes it was full of life
What is now black, was once red, blue and white.

I laughed like mad and my eyes did shine
I cried like I do now, but with innocence entwined.

And Oh, I do so wish to be
If only I hadn’t murdered me.

Now I belong to none, not even to myself
Not to past, present or future, ‘coz my being I locked in that shelf

But wait as I confess of my soul having died,
Coz you too are unforgiven for having committed the same crime.

I say, I can no more, as I did fall, over and over again
It is your turn to own up, don’t say you did not play the game.

Musing

There are incidences in our lives which force us to think. They may not change the course of our lives, but they do bring about a change.

Recently, I was pondering over the trait of being immature vis-à-vis the act of being possessive. A string of unrelated events, I happen to recapitulate, set my mind off to work.

Before I start, here is a confession. I am possessive about…well just about everything and anything! On the inside, I hate to share my room, my bed, my shoes, my clothes, my friends, my love…umm well even my parents (I hope my sister never-ever gets to read this)!

But, actually BUT, this is not how things work. NO WAY!

Possessiveness leads us to behave immaturely. People stop talking to each other and at times, relationships get acrid, culminating in break-ups. But where exactly does all this start/ where to draw the line? Possessiveness by itself is, by no far shot, synonymous to immaturity. The non-realization of when to let it go over-board that it behemoths into an undesirable act or an uncomfortable experience is immaturity.

Possessiveness, if not closely, then remotely, is related to insecurity. Insecurity of losing what you have, and hold so dearly. But then, as the adage goes...’Let go. If it comes back to you, then it is yours; else it never belonged to you.’ A friend of mine did let go; and it didn’t come back! It went and, took along his hope and his trust. He stopped believing in the adage. He cannot let go anything that belongs to him anymore. This is his immaturity; his weak-heartedness, et al, or it is mere prudence?

I have another weird example. I was been audience to a conversation (read as heated argument), wherein ‘the self-proclaimed righteous’ was justifying to have dropped a relationship because her mate had found a new pal. I couple of months later; I got to meet this girl again. To my utter exasperation, I found her lecturing someone about the degree of immaturity involved in being possessive.

People are indeed strange!

From all the above written nonsense, there is an erudition I can profoundly articulate. I play it safe now. I no more display my possessiveness, as I staunchly dislike being tagged as an immature.

When the surf was coming....

Sitting on the rock by the sea, I saw the surf lapping towards me.

Just as I thought it was coming to embrace me, it hit the rock & died noisily.

...

What impact was made by that poor soul, But to smooth out edginess of a rock?

My toes had twitched on the fear of getting soaked, and now the sight was a burden my eyes wore.

...

A wierd thought came streaming down,

..did the rock called the surf, or the surf wanted to destroy on its own??!!

(Was the rock so selfish or is the water that altruistic??)

...

Are we playing our own games, where our skills are ever to be honed?

..Or are we mere pawns, playing at hands of someone on the board??

`

`

`

(..Sitting on a beach overlooked by a huge celebrity mansion, this was one of the finest evenings of my life)

Mi Precioso

Dont ask me what is right,

Dont tell me what is wrong.

Today I see through the clouds,

All the places I could have gone.

The morning sun shines bright,

The little stars blink at night;

But when the clouds doom upon,

There are shades of gray, no black or white.

The inviting surf and the mighty peaks,

The lush green with all its creepy sheath,

I wish to forget; and ask them to forgive

'Coz now I open my eyes & wash the blinding dreams.

Drop of elixir which was meant to quench;

Choked my breath and drowned my soul.

But the pheonix rose from the ashes again

There may not be any jewels as yet, but im back on my hunt for the precious stone.

The Random Disappointing Thought

My mind is hardly ever at peace! A few minutes back, I was doing certain mundane chores, with random thoughts swarming my mind. Suddenly the streaming came to a halt at an incidence that had happened recently.
A few days back, I was denied, for reasons unknown, an act of philanthropy! I must say, I was highly disappointed, as I had been looking forward to participate in the community service. I tried to inquire the reason from concerned people and pushed as much as I could to be a part of the noble cause.
At this sad note, my memory took me back to another such event. From childhood itself, I was highly inspired by the television commercials(esp. the national TV channel) which promoted donation of body parts/blood. I had promised myself that I would do the same on my 18th birthday. However, I lost the chance. Many years later, I got the opportunity. The point here is: had I gone to the donation camp at that time, I probably would have boasted about the benovelence my entire life; but when I donated my blood many years later, I forgot about it the very next moment.

There is no humility in feeling great about doing something good for others.
Im feeling much more relaxed about the whole thing now.
Conclusion: Everything happens for a reason :)

A Tale by an Amateur Storyteller

It is surely an astounding experience to watch it pouring; especially, if you have a cup of tea and a plate of freshly fried pakoras besides you.

Diasa was sitting on the rocking chair, looking out of the huge window of her spacious room, reveling the utopian feeling in her own Zion. The rain had made her reminiscent about the days when she was a sculpturesque young girl.

....

She would sit on the slab, by the window, and watch it rain till the time it stopped. Every now and then, she would stretch her hand out of the window to feel the drops striking her fingertips. Each time she got a tingling feeling, as if she was being encouraged to dream on.

Diasa dreamt about 3 things in particular:
# A huge and spacious penthouse in a skyscraper, overlooking the mundanities of the metro-life.
# Her brother Devasaya’s wedding.
# To bring a smile on every face around her.

She yearned for a hugely successful professional life, so that she could become self-reliant and independent. She would pray for it at every consecrated place she visited.
She also loved travelling, and had pledged to become an avid traveler. She had planned to get a souvenir from all the destinations she touched…

....

Tungggggggg………..
The clock struck 1800 hrs And Diasa was shuddered back to her present. Here she was: a 52 year old stout woman, with the most loveable and loving family. Her husband is a banker, and kids are settled and doing pretty well for themselves. She looked out of the window. It had stopped raining and the hustle-bustle on the street below had resumed in full blow. She had given the maid, a day-off, as she wanted to cook for her husband. He was coming back from a business-trip and it was a Sunday.
Diasa went to the kitchen and started cooking. Somehow, she could not take her mind off the thoughts which were swarming.

Diasa and her husband owned a duplex in one of the most posh neighborhoods of the metro. The apartment was just to her taste. This was her heavenly abode. Devasaya had been married for years now. She had a happy and contended family, or so it seemed.

All the dreams Diasa had seen for her personal life had been realized.
What about the career??? Diasa had wished for a sky-rocketing career, and she had failed miserably there. Diasa had failed to clear her GRE and was too timid to spring back & give it another shot. Eventually, she joined a local college as a teacher. She travelled - knowing about her passion for travelling, her husband would occasionally take her along on his business trips.

Diasa was done with the cooking and was washing her hands, when the doorbell rung. She rushed to the door and looked through the spy-hole. As expected it was Shourya, her husband. He entered, hugged her, pecked on her forehead and caressed her now graying hair.

....

Tick Tick… Tick Tick………

Diasa was awakened by the alarm tone she had set the previous day. She had been sleeping the whole afternoon. She rushed to see herself in the mirror, and was relieved to find that she was still 22 years young. ‘Probably it is the impact of that crappy movie Click that I was watching in the morning’, she thought.

Just as the protagonist of Click gets a moral from his dream, Diasa realized that however happy and ideal her world may become, even if her dreams are realized somehow; she would always remain disgruntled about not fulfilling her wishes.

She got up, cleared her study table and once again started her preparation for the exam she had failed in.

Shadows of fear

Just when the stars have leapt;
The angels looked on, as my body wept.

Too much fear has dazed my sight;
Glittering darkness, dancing before my eyes.

Apprehension is beginning to paralyze me;
The pain rushes back with every sight I read.

I gulp down, to drink my soul gluttonously;
Paranoia swarming & sweeping over monstrously.

It has been a long night, and now my whole being aches;
So I look at the ceiling, waiting for the dawn to break.

Ataraxis?

I stand alone on silent nights;

Scars of feelings dawn new light.

~~

I cannot reap a soul, nor weep;

And at night I cannot sleep.

~~

For the demons wake in silent beds,

To pull all my fears and dread.

~~

I must stay on my chosen path;

Hope to outrun their gentle wraith.

~~

I cannot stop until peace has shone,

But then I fear I am all alone.

~~

Like a candle, I flicker light;

Shedding tears and shedding fright.

~~

All but my presence is unknown,

How can I accept, what I feel is wrong?

~~

It brings so much strength to stop these tears;

Yet somehow I will wash my fears.

~~~~~

The Calling............

Dreams in my eyes, Hopes in my heart;

Here I come, as I take your path..........

The many face of my memories,
So many incidents in your gallery;
Your hundreds of chronicles
...my umpteen stories!
But that one odd tale,
which now I begin to tell...Life, I come to you
...not to fail :-)

The warmth of my hands, shall melt all chains;
With sounds of my steps, destiny shall change!
Expectation in my eyes and desire in my soul;
All this and much more, I bring to your door..Life, help me sail through
...to the shore :-)

When you were upset with me, or when I am disappointed by you;
You know you wanted me, and I knew I desired you!
So today, let me confess, that I'm in love with you my mistress...
Life, be my soulmate
...in times of glory or distress :-)

WHO CARES !!!!

Flipped through the pages...Each 1 said - 'The World is Watching'.

It is the diary; but this is how we behave at each crossing!

``

Its about image building...Ever heard a boy calling his friend - Princess?

'Jealousy thy name is woman'...wants to steal all the caresses!

``
There is no royal blood, there is no royal demeanour!

There are a pair of submissive eyes & circumstances which are meaner!!

``
Watchful soul that seldom laughs; to appear sunny, always smiles

The boring ugly duckling interior, does the cute fledgling exterior hides.

``
Run from one dark corner...and reach another (- to your horror!)

Why not face it, be proud and face the mirror!

`````

life is beautiful :)

Isn't this what dreams are made of....

.....to be woken up by the most beautiful voice you've heard...
.....to have a glimpse of the brightest smile of the world, greeting you...
.....to have those sparkling eyes look at you (though apologetically, for having you kept waiting!)...
.....to get a call which makes you feel the most important person in the world..every few minutes...
.....to be pampered and treated royally like a princess...
.....to have someone listening eagerly to the weirdest things you say, as if it was a holy discourse...
.....to have a support system, which helps you sail through..comforting you at slightest pain...
.....to have looked through the window at the reflection of moon..or walked in the park under winter sun...
.....to have been introduced to your inner self..and be made to feel beautiful......
.....to just hold hands..and let you dream on...................................

Let me keep dreaming.....let me remain in this trance.....

chit-chat with You..............

hey...
wat is it tht You want out of life....? are You sure????
wait a min...who is it???
y do I keep saying the same things over n over again.....? y does this question persists in mind....? do I doubt u or ur potentials? or is it about me.........??? whose life am I talking about...is it mine?
so does that mean that U are controlling my life....who gave U this right in the first place....??
hold it...did U say it was me??
but when??????????
but I am a recalcitrant individual - "dont need anybody to rectify my existence..."
..
..
..
..
ok...I give in!!
please guide me......
U have created me...n U know wat is best for me...
i am a lost child...n i do need Ur blessed hand upon me!
i bow my head infront of You..n i fear U(n only U!)....You hold the key to my destiny....!!
so, teach me new lessons......give me strength to follow Ur commands....and then dnt forget to reward appropriately
in the end..........keep loving me as u always do........... :)
i love u too.... :)

The reason?

Last time round...I had someone to hold my hand and walk me through..
..Once again, its the same..jst that now I walk alone!

What is it that i feel...?? Is it contentment, or am I more incomplete?
..my quest never ends....this thirst never quenches....it has only grown!

My spirits are liberated..but do I know where to unleash!
I want to fly...is it eternity???

What is it that i say....let me free.....or hold me tight..as tight as it can be!!!
Am I allowed to speak...to unveal???

When, what & why.....can I say I feel free???
Is this incompleteness...this freedom...the reason of my being!!!!!!!!!!

HERE YOU COME...

Guided by a star,

I have come so far...

`

From my world of innocence & modesty,

I'd thought this world to be a land of fantasy...

`

...Away from the world of homeliness,

Ah! I always wanted to lay in depth of loneliness...

`

Always surrounded by friends,like Alice in Wonderland,

And now feeling like a tresspasser in No Man's Land...

`

My quest for fulfillment, this never-ending chase,

...Anyways, by the end of it, I hope to cherish this phase...

ALWAYS THERE 4 U..

Don't stand at my grave & mourn...

I am not there, I have not gone;

I am a thousand winds that blow...

I am the diamond glint on snow

```

Do not stand at my grave & weep...

I am not there, I did not sleep;

I am the surf, gently lapping on the shore...

I am the rustling sounds of leaves, blowing across the moor

```

Do not stand at my grave & cry...

I am not there, I did not die;

I am the smile on your face...

I am happiness you must embrace